alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
