Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Randomize
