Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
