Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
