I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
it glows. i had to have it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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