She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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