i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
