Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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