i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
