Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
