My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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