I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
