pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
