My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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