So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
