yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
