just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
