its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
