you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
