there's paper in my vomit.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
