the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
