i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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