We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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