Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
