Will you blow on my dice?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
