I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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