Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Randomize
