I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
