Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
