She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
