Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
