go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think people are normalizing furries
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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