Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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