OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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