I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
