Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
