i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
