The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
