He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think my fart just growled at me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
