My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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