Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
