I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
