onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
