Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
