but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
