First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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