Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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