I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
