Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
