I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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