please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
