yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
