I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
