I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
