there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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