I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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