discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
