C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
